As crazy as this title may seem to you this is the life my wife and I lived for almost three years. After hearing from her that the reason she had gain weight and couldn’t lose it was because of me I actually started believing it.
You know, I knew better but when you start hearing something over and over again you start to believe it even when you shouldn’t.
It all started just before we were engaged and my wife (girlfriend at the time) was starting to put on some weight. At first things were cool because she could still fit into her clothes and will no one else had made one of those crazy comments like “when is the baby due or OMG your pregnant”. That all changed in a matter of weeks though.
The clothes that went from fitting correctly to fitting a little snug where now it was just simply un-wearable. No matter what no one was making any statements and all of her girlfriends told her she look great and there wasn’t anything to worry about (most of them gaining weight themselves).
They told her it was the process of her getting older and now having a future husband that she cooks for. It happens to all of them and they kind of just believed it.
Three months went by and my wife went from being around 125lbs to 145lbs and it was all downhill from there. Unlike myself when I gained weight in the past I would be quick to try to lose it to get back to my ideal weight my wife was the complete opposite. The weight only went upwards from there and the problems really started.
One evening after work I can remember my wife coming home and she was just unhappy. The conversation went immediately on everything else but I knew that it was the weight that was causing the problem.
I don’t like beating around the bush so I just came out and said, “You are just unhappy because you are getting fat!” Big mistake! All hell broke loose in that house and amazingly everything was aimed at me.
From me having too much junk food in the house to her having to cook, as being the reason she was gaining weight in the first place. “Everyone else tells me how great I look and you just say stop eating this or that! It’s your fault you should be more supportive and love me for who I am!” (ooooouch that hurts even to write). This went on for months to the point that I was getting blame for everything, nothing was her fault.
The thing is though she went out to lunch every day, went to dinner once or twice a week, was eating dinner at home every night, ate breakfast and grabbed fast foods and most of all was not active.
You see these weren’t things that I caused but rather her life had completely changed. She was no longer in college so she wasn’t as active as she used to be. She was working the 8-6 instead of going to classes and now was getting breakfast at work and going to lunch almost every day.
See these were the changes that were causing her to gain the weight NOT me! It wasn’t the fact that I ate too much but the fact that she didn’t want to blame herself or situation for getting fat. And her friends didn’t see anything wrong with it because guess what, they were getting fat as well.
Her weight gain wasn’t may fault at all but since it occurred when WE became one in her eyes I caused it. It didn’t matter that I stopped having with all the snacks in the house, stopped going out to get fast food, or even started working out and running with her. Why because she didn’t lose weight and those weren’t the actual problems to begin with.
The problems were the things that she had control of and things she had to change on her own. It wouldn’t be until she realized that she needed to make a change in herself and be accountable that things would change for the better. It wouldn’t change until she understood that eating out every day at lunch and going out for drinks and dinner with the girls can cause rapid weight gain.
HER WEIGHT GAIN WAS HER FAULT NOT MINE!
This week was a quiet one for me as my wife was on a vacation to New York with one of her best friends since high school. The funny thing is that being alone for those seven days allowed me to reflect on my wife’s weight lost journey.
Of course most people already know the benefits that losing weight can have on a person’s health but in what other ways does it make a difference?
Here are some photos my wife took while she was up in New York City! There are a lot more photos then I would care to look at but this woman loves taking pictures.
Losing Weight Makes You Feel More Confident
It’s amazing to see the transformation over my wife’s weight and confidence over the past few years. There were so many things she would have never attempted just a couple of years ago. Things like the rock climbing wall here at Boomers to going to the gym and working out around other people. She hated people seeing her struggle.
She no longer walks around with her ahead down hoping that the eyes are not on her because of the weight that she was carrying. Instead she welcomes all looks and questions because she is confident in herself and the way she looks.
Everything Just Seems to Fit Properly
Almost Gone are the days of never wanting to go anywhere because she had nothing to wear. The days of “I can’t wear this because it’s gotten too small or doesn’t fit right” are not as big a deal as they once were. Now it seems as though the clothes were made for her and she simply loves it.
No more buying something knowing she would have to take it to a seamstress to get it altered. Yes there are the occasional “this fits my waist but it’s too tight on my thighs”, but trust me, both my wife and I will happily live with this.
To Me She Just Seems Happy All the Time
Before my wife starting losing weight she looked unhappy all the damn time. It was like someone had permanently placed a rain cloud over her and it was just a thunderstorm every day. From the time she woke up I could just see it on her face. Her weight was just killing her. She dreaded waking up to only have to go to the closet and find something to wear to work.
Now it’s a completely different story! (Well the whole clothing thing that is. She still hates having to get up but it’s more because she’s not a morning person.)
Now getting up brings a new day, a great outfit to wear, no more worrying about the scale, something not fitting or seeing herself in the mirror and being disgusted. The woman I feel in love with so long ago is smiling more and is happy again.
It’s amazing that for so long I thought there was something I did wrong or could do to help her. Buying her sunglasses, purses, nice heels, going on vacations, and going out to eat weren’t the solution. Telling her I love her made her happy for the moment, but she wasn’t happy with herself and it was mostly because of her weight.
Some People Just Don’t Get It
People will tell you that you shouldn’t let your weight affect you! To them I say it’s easier said than done. Some will say it doesn’t bother them and that’s the same thing my wife SAID but her actions proved otherwise.
You see losing weight does make a difference, a big difference. Not just for health reasons (which should be #1) but for others as well such as how you look, how you feel, the confidence you have, and how most importantly you feel about yourself.
There is one thing that I know for sure and that’s the fact that my wife is a happier woman now than she was when she was almost 40lbs heavier. Our marriage is better because of her weight loss! To be honest she’s just easier to deal and communicate with.
No longer is everything a struggle or battle. Just seeing a smile on her face is enough for me to know that losing weight really does make a difference.
How about you? Has losing weight made a difference to you or someone else in your life? Do you think losing weight would make a difference to you?
Before there was Waist, Hips, & Thighs my wife and I were just two happy people living the college life and enjoying ourselves. We both were active as being on campus called for a lot of walking, partying and just simply being out and about just doing things. We never could seem to sit down.
That college would also be the first part of my wife’s story on the up and down of weight gain. You see when people talk about the freshmen 15-20 (gaining pounds freshmen) a lot seem to think or take it as a joke. All I have to say is go ask my wife about it and see if she thinks it’s a myth.
Being Active is Only Half the Battle
You know how people will tell you that you just need to be active, do more exercise, going to the gym and stuff like that? Well to be honest that ISH isn’t going to work miracles by itself! My wife was as active as a person could be. Walking to class, going to the gym, being a part of her sorority, and going to parties every weekend, she was very active.
She was so active that she never really paid attention to the garbage she was eating and how unhealthy her eating habits were. Of course being active help but it couldn’t stop her from gaining the pounds freshmen year of college.
You Can’t Out Exercise a Bad Diet
If you are new to my site then you probably have never read the statement above but it holds to be so very true. My wife didn’t sit on her ass on all the time like most but what she was eating was killing her and her self esteem.
From the $.50 hot wings and pizza slices from Five Star pizza to the late night drinking at parties and the fast food restaurants on the late nights coming from the clubs. The calories were just too much for her body to burn. Sure she was active but there isn’t enough dancing in the world that’s going to cover with a high calorie diet.
It’s Not About How Much Eat
Too many women are under the assumption that since they only ate a little bit (as my wife would say) that they shouldn’t be consuming a lot of calories. Well take a look at the calories in a meal from your favorite fast food place and then tell me if that is true. Those meals won’t usually fill you up but they sure do pack on the calories.
Before there was intermittent fasting and high intensity interval training for my wife there was a clear understanding that to lose weight she needed both exercise and a great diet. She finally figured this out her sophomore year in college and the fat started to slowly disappear. She was starting to get her life back and was happy again.
But then something happened that caused things to change……………that’s a whole other story.
NOTE: Let me know how you feel….Have you tried losing weight but just can’t seem to get it right? What are you doing wrong? What do you need help with? Leave a comment or question that’s what I am here for.
Before and After of My Wife
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